Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Trapped in an Elevator

I walked into the elevator to join 3 other men. I've seen them all before, but never got the chance to strike up a conversation. We all had briefcases and looked very important. I bet none of them actually had an important place in the company, but they all looked like they wanted to. I couldn't say I was any better than them, though. I nodded my head to them and pressed the 3 button. We watched the light flicker from 1 to 2, then 2 to...wait. The light didn't change. We all looked at each other and gasped. I tried to quell their panicking.
"Don't worry. I'll just press the alarm button."
And then I saw. There was no alarm button. This was an old elevator, and the company neglected to make the elevators modern. At this point I slumped down to the floor and started hyperventilating. The others yelled for help. Nobody would come I knew deep down that we were doomed. At this point I opened my briefcase and started a log.

HOUR 1: They're banging on the walls a lot and I'm waiting for them to quiet down. It's useless. I feel thirst coming. I know it's just hysteria, but I've never felt this need for water before. My tongue is a wasteland in which no moisture is left. I try to think about something else. ANYTHING! I tell everyone to sit down. We say our names. I'm Jerry, the Clark Kent-looking guy is Harvey, the man with the receding hairline and funny nose is Mark, and the older gentleman with the thick mustache is James. We all seem to be cubicle workers except James has a small office. Nobody will miss us.

HOUR 3: After talking for a while, we all seem to hate each other. I've apparently been trying to get James' job, Harvey won't quit making bad puns, and Mark is just plain grumpy. We're not going anywhere, so why try to stir things up? Harvey's looking in my log, so I'm closing it now...

HOUR 6: I'm still damn thirsty, and Mark won't share his damn water bottle. He wants to save it for an "emergency". THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! I need it... I just want to get out of here and go home...

HOUR 9: We fought over the water bottle and to make a long story short, half of the contents spilled out. Harvey is currently licking the ground. I'm going to sleep now...

HOUR 12: I just woke up. I see that them three are lying on each other hugging and crying... I'm going back to sleep.

HOUR 14: I wake up to hear noises from outside the elevator. There's somebody there! The elevator opens up and we see the night crew. Log over.

I got up. I saw that the others were all hugging and exchanging numbers. I got the hell out of there.

1 comment:

JesseJack said...

Funny story. Elevators always seem to breed moments of golden awkwardness.

Everyone always does the same thing in an elevator; if people you don't know walk in, everybody just starts staring at the floor numbers (without fail). Sometimes I'll turn around and face people and just stare at them as if nothing was going on. It amuses me to no end so long as they have a good sense of humor (perhaps if they don't as well).