Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Idea of a Girlfriend

This story is technically fiction, but the character is me.

I sit on my friend's bed, waiting for him to get back from the bathroom. I survey the room and find that he has four pictures of him hugging girls on his walls. His girlfriends... He's by no means a lady's man, but he's somehow gotten four girlfriends in the past few years. I lie back onto the bed. Why does he have a girlfriend? Why don't I? I'm much more likable than Greg. Girls love me. I... No. This is my fault. I've been avoiding relationships on purpose. I can't handle something like that. I can hardly take care of myself. Do I hate myself...? No. I hate society. For some reason I have to have a friend that's MORE than a friend. Somebody who is potentially a partner in marriage. But not really. I need practice first. It's a sadistic idea. I need to love someone for a period of time, then I'll eventually have to tell them that I don't love them anymore. Then I'll probably have to avoid that person for the rest of my life. Greg enters.

"Greg, why do you have girlfriends?"
"Umm... because I like them as more than friends?"
"No. You would just have them as friends if nobody told you that you needed a girlfriend."
"I guess..."
"So is it just peer pressure? Do you genuinely care about them?"
"I kind of do and kind of don't. I learn to care about them and we get close."
"But... nobody around here is like me at all."
"...... What am I supposed to say? Too bad? Am I supposed to find you a girlfriend? When you find someone that you like, ask them out."
"But... no. I'm... not like you, Greg. I can't just say, 'Do you wanna go see a movie'. I'd feel sleazy taking a girl out to a movie. I'd feel like I'm taking advantage of her. Actually, I feel like having a girlfriend is just two people taking advantage of each other. It's so horrible, and yet I want it so badly. I feel like a creep!"
"You both know what you're doing in a relationship..."
"No. That's not true. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to say to my parents. I don't know what I should invite her to. I don't know how much I should like the girl. I don't know if I should say 'I love you'. I don't know how to kiss. God damn it, I'm the only guy I know who's never kissed a girl. How would I be able to cope with anything? I'd be a horrible boyfriend and I can't accept rejection. I might as well live life alone..."
"I'm sorry. I... I'm sorry."

Yeah... That was less a story and more a pouring of emotions. At least it's realistic.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


After a long wait, I have another comic! This was thought up while I was having a conversation about quadruple amputees.

The comic is at the title link.


This is a video I made at Shakespeare camp. Upon searching Youtube, I see that this video is not exactly original. Oh well. It's better than the other.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Dungeons and Dragons Prologue

Me and my friends at camp are going to start playing Dungeons and Dragons, so I'm making a prologue.

A group of travelers from the village of Dowthorne have come to the religious city of Sethia for their yearly pilgrimage. After praying at the temple, they stay for a night at the local tavern. Before going to bed, an old male dwarf warns the group that their will be an earth-shattering quake on their path home tomorrow. The group of travelers laugh at the idea and tell him that one cannot predict such a thing. They go to sleep without a worry in their mind. They set off for Dowthorne at 9:00 AM. At 12:30 PM, they decide to stop and eat their lunches. As they pull out their sandwiches, they feel a small rumble in the ground. They joke to themselves about how this was the old man's great earth-shattering quake. They feel another, greater rumble, and drop their sandwiches, realizing the error in their ways. The ground shakes violently and breaks up to reveal a bottomless pit which swallows the travelers.

The group awakens at roughly the same time and they find themselves at the bottom of a pit, the little amount of sun shining down into the cave being the only light source. They, being a brave group, resolve to find a way out of this cave and to get back to civilization soon.

Forget Duke Nukem Forever!

To truly understand the work ethic of 3D Realms, you must watch this video. And yes, this was truly what they showed at E3.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

New Little Big Planet Trailer

They just want to torture me, don't they?

More Mario and Zelda on the Wii!

Apparently there will be more Mario and Zelda games coming out this generation for consoles AND handhelds. It won't be for a couple of years, but hey, I'm happy that they've started!

Source at the title link.

Who's That Pokemon

This video so simple, yet so great. It's not brilliant, but it's so addicting. I'm gonna watch it again, now.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Hunter and the Prey

This actually just happened.

I have watched a fly buzz incessantly around the room for far too long. I lunge at it, shoe in hand, time and time again. This is either a really smart bug or I have horrible hand-eye coordination. This isn't working. I've come close to breaking my picture of Tin Tin, but the fly remains intact and won't shut up. I need a better weapon. I look around the room and find the perfect weapon; the chemistry regents workbook. I take it in hand and I wait until the fly has landed on a window for one last time. I focus on my prey, bring the workbook slightly back...WHAM! It barely hits the fly, but it goes down. Oddly, the corpse is nowhere to be found, but I don't care. I need to go to bed and am filled with relief. The suburban hunter has succeeded again.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Western Culture Hiding the Truth About Food

A while ago I went to a restaurant in China town and I saw this staring up at me from the plate. At first I thought it was strange to eat something with a head. Then I realized that all meat had a head at one point. Western culture had blinded me from the truth. I had not appreciated all of these years that what I was eating was not a plant, but a being that had lived. I felt sorry for it, but then I also realized that it was simply the circle of life to eat other animals. Becoming a vegetarian wouldn't be an option for me anyway. There's no way I could look at a lobster and not think of making a meal of it.