Pony Ride

I recently went on a really boring and tedious trail ride, so I tried thinking from a horse's point of view.

Round and round, round and round, every day from dawn till dusk. Same speed, same clippity-clop of the hooves. Why do I do it? So that asshole can make an extra buck off of torturing me.

Why do the kids like it? They sit on my back as they're taken around the pen counter-clockwise again and again. It's like NASCAR, but somehow even duller.

I could've been something or at least DONE something with my life. Race horse, jumping horse, cattle horse, ANY horse. But I'm not even a horse here. Just a slave.

Why am I here? Have I ever done anything wrong? In a past life did I commit some heinous crime and not get punished enough? Did I not do my time? Cause I'm sure doing time here.

75 Games You Must Play Before You Die

When you're on your death bed, look over this list to see if you've missed any of these masterpieces. If you have, try to play as soon as possible.

• Banjo-Kazooie
  
• Banjo-Tooie
  
• Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
  
• Chrono Trigger
  
• Day of the Tentacle
  
• Donkey Kong Country
  
• Donkey Kong Country 2
  
• Donkey Kong Country 3
  
• Donkey Kong Jungle Beat
  
• Earthbound
  
• Elite Beat Agents
  
• Gitaroo Man
  
• Guitar Hero II
  
• Guitar Hero III
  
• Jet Set Radio
  
• Kingdom Hearts II
  
• Kirby's Adventure
  
• Kirby: Canvas Curse
  
• Kirby Super Star
  
• Kirby and the Crystal Shards
  
• Little Big Planet (I can tell from the demo)
  
• LostWinds
  
• Luigi's Mansion
  
• Lumines
  
• Mario Galaxy
  
• Mario Kart 64
  
• Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga
  
• Megaman
  
• Megaman 2
  
• Megaman 3
  
• Megaman 6
  
• Megaman Battle Network 2
  
• Mister Mosquito
  
• New Super Mario Bros.
  
• Paper Mario
  
• Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
  
• Patapon
  
• Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
  
• Pokemon Blue/Red/Yellow
  
• Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal
  
• Pokemon Snap
  
• Portal
  
• Rock Band
  
• Sam and Max Hit the Road
  
• Shadow of the Colossus
  
• Sonic Adventure
  
• Sonic Adventure 2
  
• Super Mario 64
  
• Super Mario Bros. 3
  
• Super Mario RPG
  
• Super Mario Sunshine
  
• Super Mario World
  
• Super Paper Mario
  
• Super Smash Bros. Brawl
  
• Super Smash Bros. Melee
  
• Tales of the Abyss
  
• Tetris
  
• Tetris Attack
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Minish Cap
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
  
• The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker
  
• Tomba!
  
• Tomba! 2: The Evil Swine Return
  
• Touch Detective
  
• WarioWare
  
• WarioWare: Twisted!
  
• We <3 Katamari
  
• Yoshi's Island
  
• You Don't Know Jack
  
• Zack and Wiki: The Quest For Barbados' Treasure
  

Video Games Haven't Failed Me Yet

Me: See? If I drift around the turns, I don't need to slow down.

Instructor: Why do you need to go so fast!?!

Me: So I can finish the test within the time limi...

Instructor: AAAAAA!

Me: Crap. I fell off the bridge. I'll never finish in time now. Where's the retry button?

Instructor: THERE IS NO RETRY BUTTON!!!

Me: Oh. I guess we'll have to wait, then. Where the hell is Lakitu?

And that's how I failed my driver's test.

Memories

I’m in a dinghy with an oar. I need to find land. I’m sure it’s close. I see something in the distance! It’s an island! I paddle as fast as I can, but the oar starts to dissolve. My whole boat is dissolving! I fall into the water. I must get to the island! I try to swim, but my arms are too tired. I’m going under!

I wake up. What a dream! I need to write this down!
“I needed to get to land and there was land and my boat melted…”
Where’s my dream notebook? It’s not next to my bed. I get up and search my drawers.
“I need to write about the boat and land and water…”
It’s not here. I run downstairs and see my mom eating breakfast.

“Mom, have you seen my dream notebook?”
“I think it’s under the magazines in the living room.”

I rush into the living room and search under the magazines. “There was water and a boat…” Here it is! I flip it open to a fresh page and put my pen to the paper. I write down, ‘Water’. “Wait…wasn’t there more?”

Scotland is a Bit Different

I look up in a cafe to see a flyer for a website named polestars. Among the things you can buy are a naked butler and nipple tassles, both with pictures. Is this strange to everyone or is this commonplace? The best thing about being in a different country is that you really don't know.

At first glance, Scotland is the same as the US, save some small differences. Dollars become pounds, pants become trousers, fries are now chips thus making chips into crisps. Throw in kilts and bagpipes and you've got it down, right? Well... no. Not really.

Everything here is either connected to the crown or the church. The streets are all named after some saint and sodas and various other refreshments are checked by her majesty.

They have a strange policy of drinking; do it as much as possible, but don't let the kids see. It's pretty stupid and it doesn't help.

If you check the headlines of any newspaper here, you'll soon realize that nobody is good at titling things. Headlines include "Celtic poised to gazump rivals in bid for Loovens" and "Ronaldo voted the ultimate gay icon". Well, maybe their subjects are just really bad.

One last thing that I found weird is that there is tea time, but hardly anyone has tea. If someone asks you if you've had tea, that means have you had dinner. This is especially strange because no one has tea at dinner. Scotland is an odd place.

A Moment in Edinburgh

This tidbit is based on what I saw on an Edinburgh bus.


The old man takes a swig of the 2-liter bottle of Fanta and passes it to his friend.

"I can't believe it's come to drinking our troubles away..."

A First Foray Into The Fringe (Food)

I don't know which is worse; being at a cafe in which they cover all breakfasts with baked beans or the fact that they deliver.

My experience in Edinburgh, Scotland so far has been a bit of a so-so experience. That being said, the food is not in fact so-so, but a bit of a disaster. To find a decent meal, you must have a guide and little preference. Once you find a restaurant or cafe that doesn't have pre-made food, you check a menu full of extremely high prices. If the pound were equal to the dollar, it would be understandable, but it is worth twice the dollar. You order the food, then wait... and wait... and wait. It takes maybe half an hour to get sandwiches. Only one person is working on the food. The other 3 are hanging out and cleaning dishes.

Shopping for food isn't exactly great either. Much of the produce is horrible. The artichokes were completely brown!

I must admit, I fell into a tourist trap. A sign said a bakery made Mars bars in batter. I rushed inside and bought one. It wasn't horrible. It tastes basically as it sounds. It was just bad enough to throw out after the second bite. I'm not sure each bite was worth a pound, though.

I wasn't even allowed into most pubs. They need licenses to not serve alcohol to minors, so i couldn't just get food. Somehow, I don't think this system works, seeing how Scotland has one of the highest rates of alcoholism.

The one thing that I was impressed with was the cheese and lox. The fatty cheese was creamy and rich while the lighter cheese was crumbly and slightly tangy. The lox was as good as I've had and the kippered salmon had a delightfully spicy aftertaste. At least if worst comes to worst, I can always have a picnic.

Little Big Planet Beta is Closed

I got an email address at the Edinburgh Interactive Festival to someone in the beta. I emailed them and asked for help to get into the beta. They told me that the beta was now closed. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wait a couple months to play it again.

Little Big Planet: The Collector's Lair

This is the final boss of Little Big Planet. We lost.

Little Big Planet Helicopter

A Helicopter clone in Little Big Planet. It's made with Sackboy and a jetpack.